- Having Dejan Lovren as your captain must be like having that mate who tries too hard at school as your class president.
- Firmino’s ponytail is still boss.
- Little Phil is back and the world is alright again.
- Firmino, Coutinho and Mane. Looks tasty. As tasty as this bag of Doritos I’m stuffing my face with. (This picture is obviously from Google.)
- The pre-match music at Wigan’s ground is absolutely hideous.
- Will Grigg plays for Wigan? Lord help us.
- The red bandage-thing around Flanno’s wrist makes the lad look even more heroic.
- As mentioned before, Flanno and I are best mates in my head. We gossip a lot and drink wine.
- Speaking of Flanno, him playing as a left back is interesting. I always thought he plays better as a left-back than as a right back, but Klopp has never used him there before. I wonder if this is the boss having a look at what Flanno can do on that side.
- You know, as a replacement for someone. Cough, Moreno, cough.
- Awww. Wigan’s goal keeper is a scouser from Huyton. How nice.
- The little magician hits the bar with his first free kick! Fuck off, PSG. Fuck. Right. Off.
- Some desperate friendly-level defending from our lot. Pre-season won’t be complete without it.
- Lovren is above the half way line. Is he becoming a midfielder, now that the Zielinski thing is off the table?
- Looking forward to Sadio Mane just ripping through other teams’ full backs like mad.
- This is a good time to mention that I am super high on caffeine. My face is numb, my fingers are tingling, and I think I’ve fallen a little bit in love with Jurgen’s new grey training kit.
- The referee’s muscled upper body makes him look like The Thing in Fantastic Four.
- What happened to black football boots? Black isn’t so bad, you know.
- The woodwork again for little Phil! A gem, he is. I don’t care what anyone says, Mesut Ozil can kiss his boots.
- These Doritos are the business. Now I need to go do a thousand push-ups to clear my conscious.
- We need centre backs who can head the ball into the back of the net more than once during a season. Where have these centre backs disappeared to?
- There’s a nice lull in the game, which is broken by Karius (possibly) catching the ball outside his penalty box. The lad is unfazed, while I am fazed by the green brightness of his kit.
- Ejaria is no longer Messi in this game. He’s more like Jordon Ibe on acid.
- Finally! Something happens! A mistake by Karius! Oh, how the internet will roar!
- There is another lull. Instagram is your friend in such moments.
- Seeing the new Ghostbusters tomorrow. Just throwing it out there.
- Someone just score. Please.
- No Bogdan for the second half. And in other news, the world is still round.
- Lucas should be staying at Liverpool. Until he’s thirty-four and can’t run at all. Or until he is forty and can’t walk straight.
- Andre Wisdom’s head is very shiny.
- Is Ben Woodburn Iniesta in disguise?
- I have totally given up on anyone scoring.
- Why does Trent Alexander-Arnold have “Alexander” on the back of his shirt? Shouldn’t it be “Alexander-Arnold”? Or just “Arnold”? Can it just be “Trent”?
- Joel Matip does a beautiful tackle inside our own penalty box. Can’t decide if this means Matip is good, or if it means the Wigan player is shit.
- I should exercise more, instead of lying in bed eating.
- Danny Ings scores! Resilient little bugger.
- Matip’s legs are long and elegant. Like a spider’s.
- 2-0. Woodburn is DEFINITELY Iniesta in disguise.
- Let’s buy Wigan’s Wildschut for 10 million pounds.
- Matip hobbles off. This is why we can’t have nice things.
- It’s over. At least this time Kloppo is smiling. Up the Reds. We are winning the league with Ben Woodburn.
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